Three dollars and some change

Summary: The team talks about the rankings in the All Atlantis Alien Possession derby.
Rating: PG for swearing
Disclaimer: Sony and MGM own all things Stargate Atlantis. I'm only borrowing and will return them at the end of the fic.
Setting: After "Long Goodbye" in season 2 (spoilers for the episodes to that point)
Characters: Team Shepp + Zelenka = twu wuv
Word count:: 550 ++
Note: I'm in a peculiar mood. Also, I'm trying to figure out when the AB series jumped the shark (or if it will with the publication of Danse Macabre -- only time will tell) so I'm wanting to stab all my AB fics. In the head. Repeatedly.

~*~

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

Sheppard glared at McKay. "Stop looking at me like I'm going to go all Emily Rose on you!"

"That was horrible bootleg DVD," Zelenka said from ahead of them in the cafeteria line. "Bad sound and too long."

"It wasn't as scary as the Exorcist, either," McKay added.

"How old were you when you saw the Exorcist?" Sheppard asked. "Ten? Of course it's going to be scarier."

"Thirteen, actually." McKay peered suspiciously at the oatmeal-like substance in his bowl. "Does this smell like--"

"No, it smells like oatmeal," Sheppard interrupted, resisting the urge to kick something. Preferably McKay. "Just get your damned breakfast already."

"My, aren't we touchy after a full-body possession," Rodney said, stepping out Sheppard's reach. "You weren't this bad after the bug thing."

"I told you never to mention that!"

Zelenka snorted and walked away to join a table. "See, you're scaring the civilians," McKay said, walking ahead of Sheppard to Teyla's table. "Not that it matters, but you're ahead on the rankings again. One more and I win the pool."

"What ranking?" Sheppard demanded, setting his tray down with a clatter. "One more what?"

"Full-body possession," McKay said, not noticing the death glare Sheppard was shooting in his direction. "You're at two."

Sheppard cranked up the glare another notch.

"Who else is on this list?" Teyla asked blithely. "Besides Dr. Weir."

"Besides Colonel Sheppard with two possessions, being Thalen and that bug thingy, Dr. Weir has one, as do myself, Cadman and, um, you."

Teyla's spoon stopped forgotten in mid-air. "Me?"

"Yeah, the Wraith that possessed you last year for a little while?" McKay's enthusiasm began to falter when he realized he was in the process of pissing off two of the three deadliest people in Atlantis.

"He's right, Teyla, you did get a little psycho for a few minutes," Sheppard smirked. "I seem to recall you beating up on me with an IV pole?"

"Although Teyla's not on the other list."

"Other list?" Teyla and Sheppard said in unison.

McKay eased his chair back. "Uh, yeah. The kissing people while possessed list. Sheppard and Weir kissed--"

"Hey!" Sheppard interrupted. "That was Phoebus and Thalen!"

"Semantics," McKay snapped. "And Cadman made me kiss Beckett, so don't go getting all bent out of shape." He stood. "If you plan to get possessed a third time, let me know so I can put odds on you kissing someone else while under an alien influence." He vanished.

Teyla raised an eyebrow at Sheppard. "You kissed Dr. Weir?"

Sheppard slumped down in his chair. "Thalen did! Remember how we had this conversation?"

"It was not Thalen I was speaking to after you were infected with the Eratus bug retrovirus."

Sheppard slumped lower. "I thought we weren't going to talk about that either."

"At least I haven't developed a habit of kissing women while possessed," Teyla said, her voice blandly arch.

"Who's kissing women while possessed?" Ronon said, appearing out of nowhere and sitting in McKay's vacated seat.

Sheppard groaned.



Having said that, go read the awesomest Harry Potter/Stargate Atlantis crossover eva: Different Kinds of Magic by Rokeon. (One-shot, hilarious)